Smudge: QC 201101

[chuxton]

Queen’s Court Docket 201101
Parole Review
Subject known as “Smudge” (formerly prisoner exile 2004x1)

Wal, Yer Lofty ‘aughtiship, sir, I don’t know whither I should take it good or ill thet yer not ‘appy to see me. Fer myself, I would jest as rather be doin’ somethin’ elst, meself, but on the other ‘and I’d rather be ‘ere than a few other places I might name.
Yes, yer Eliteship, I yam re-ferrin’ to thet vacation yer sent me on. Seven years o’ ‘ard labor in the Keebler chocolate mines makes yer Aristycratship’s court seem like a day spa, if yer pardon the anachronyism. Ranger Sargeant Prigg, if yer excuse me opinion, is a pain in the an-otomy, but he cannot ‘old a candle to them nasty el—er . . . imaginary characters I am not allowed to mention.
Yer Politically Ambitiouship makes sev’ral good points. I knowed you only sentenced me to Keebler fer a year, with time off fer good behavior. Good behavior, as all present can a-test, is not me professional speciality. One thing leadin’ to another an’ the coupla dozen escape attempts kinda ex-tended my stay with the – er- cookie industry, as it were. No, I don’t really blame yer Oppressership fer me or-deal. My ire, so ter speak, is re-served (in addition to the Keebler corporate team) fer the true archy-tect o’ my imprisonment- that miserable phony solicitor knowed as Pin ‘Edly the tu- er- grandson. It were thet pompus skunk who talked me inter the whole ‘arrassment suit against ther Queen and the sub-seequint legal setbacks. If I ever see thet yeller-vested stuffed shirt agin—wal, ‘e’ll be as ee-maginary as them other guys I ‘ate.
As fer this current matter, yer Lardship, it is a simple case ‘o violation of me fishing rights. I were mindin’ me own business, fishin’ in the moat, when ther good Sgt a-rested me on sus-pishun o’ poachin’. Sus-pishun! Whut kinda crime is thet? I might have “sus-pishions" thet the young lady thet yer Lordship escorted ta’ Moonglow were not . . . Of course, yer Rulerclasship, thet is ear-elevant to these pro-ceeds. Fer now. The pint is thet sus-pishons are the creation ‘o the accuser, not the a-cused, right, yer Vulnerableship? Thet deer jus’ ‘appened to be near me favorite fishin’ ‘ole an’ prob’ly fell inter the moat and drownded. I were only carryin’ me bow fer s-elf defense. Er- from alley-gators and sech. It might not ‘ave been the best i-dear to make the Sgt me parole officer, yer Selfrighteouship. ‘E is kinda overly prone to sus-pishons when it comes ter me, sir.
Yes, yer Fudgeship- er Judgeship, I accept thet the case is dis-missed this time but that the good Sgt remains on me case- in ev’ry possible sense, yer Solomonship.

Case Dismissed

[Sorin Laban]

priceless!

[michella]

*Wipes tears of joy from her eyes, thankful the Homerian Familia is alive and well*