My first...

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My first...

Postby Macitor on Thu Mar 04, 2004 2:49 pm

Be kind. :| This is my first...ever! I mean not even in RL... well, except in school. But we won't be discussing that. Anyways, please don't think this is going to be GREAT or anything..

It took a lot for me to post this. Very nervous. I fully expect to hear from our english teachers and hardcore writers out there is Brit. ;-) I am sure they will have something to say about this... *smirk*

This actually was supposed to be posted yesterday morning but I am so, you get it today instead. :)


I stood on my tower rooftop after a long, restless night trying to collect my thoughts for the upcoming day. It was earlier than I usually wake and this was causing some concentration problems. The crisp morning air was helping slightly. As I stood gazing off to the North, my attention was drawn to a soft white glow in the northeastern sky. As I pondered the glow for a few moments, my concentration was broken by the sound of footsteps. As I turned toward the noise, I found my brother wearily making his way up the stone stairs.

"Good morning youngster! It is a fine morning, is it not?"

"Morning Macitor", he said in a weary voice. "My head feels like a titan hammered on it."

"Your boozing has gotten to you again, has it?"

He raised his hand in a feeble attempt to stop my words from coming. "Why is it that you always conclude that? You never give me the benefit of the doubt."

"Because Guavir, with you there is never any doubt about it." I said sternly.

"For your information, big brother, I was not out drinking last night. If you had listened to my call for help, you would know that!"

I looked at him and felt myself wrinkle my forehead in confusion. My thoughts flashed back to the night before. I did not remember any cries from him… What was I doing? Why did I not hear my brother’s call? As my mind raced, I suddenly realized ... the druid's spell book! My face changed from confusion to realization. I walked over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Brother, I am very, very sorry. I was reading ... "

"Yeah, you were studying that damn book again, weren't you? Why is it that you are so obsessed with that book? It's like it has some kind of hold on you or something! Brother, it pains me to see you like this. Our brother Mandruu has the gift of the casters language, not you .. not me. We all have our own gifts. Yours is the gift of mace fighting. Mine, swordsmanship. I am afraid you will hurt an innocent citizen, yourself or one of us if you do not control your urges. You need to stick to what you know, brother, not what you don't."

I turned away from Guavir. Not because I was mad, but because he was right. "I know brother. I know." I knew in my heart that we both have our vices. His was one of the drink and mine was the caster's language. This book... it just seemed to have some kind of hold on me.

Not quite 14 days had passed since I once again resumed studying the spell book and trying to learn the caster language. An old druid had given it to me just before he died. He had given Mandruu a spell book and his staff because he some how knew the boy would learn to control it's power. The old man's wish was for us to keep these items safe and use them wisely for he knew that, in the wrong hands these items could mean death for many ... man, beast and nature alike.

"Brother," he continued, "this time it may have hurt or even killed someone."

"Yes, this time it may have."

Both Guavir and I whirled around to find Mandruu standing at the top of the stairs.

"Mandruu!" we said in unison.

"Good morning brothers" he replied. "I heard your call for help last night, Guavir."

"Macitor ... last night ..." Guavir started to say "Bronwyn was in Covetous last night and was in very serious trouble."

I looked Guavir straight in the eyes and said "Bronwyn?! No?! What sort of trouble??!! Did you help her?? Is she alright?"

"No. I .."

"NO?!?!â€
Macitor
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Postby Macitor on Thu Mar 04, 2004 2:58 pm

oh yeah... constructive criticism accepted. :wink:
Macitor
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Postby Chelsea Duklain on Thu Mar 04, 2004 4:42 pm

Well I don't think you need any construction or criticizm. Admittedly I was drawn to your story by your nervous warnings but once the story started, I was into it. That's the true mark of a writer. Make them lose themselves in the story. Nervous or not, you're now officially one of the WOD Writers Guild. And you'd darn well better post again. :wink:

*Slaps a nametag on his chest* Welcome aboard.

Chelsea,
Member of WODWG
(By force)
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Postby Atei on Thu Mar 04, 2004 4:54 pm

I agree Chelsea--very well done, Macitor!
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Postby Seon MacRae on Thu Mar 04, 2004 5:01 pm

Very good story.

No need to be nervous around here, though - everyone is very kind and we all like seeing stories about this world. I've even made a couple of attempts at writing here, and I had never written fiction before that. :wink:
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Postby Bronwyn on Thu Mar 04, 2004 5:12 pm

Thank you for the brave efforts to save me. It was a bad night. I was out with a group the night before. We were making our way to the fountain When all went silent and black a very unearthy kind feeling. when it seemed all was ok I was standing there alone in a huge group of lizard men shaman and the like. Just as I was going to take a step my buff dropped leaving me weak. I tried to fight them off but they were to much for my weakend state. Once I died and I talked to you all went black again. when I finally came out of this very odd state Jocilyn and Talabrina found me. They brought me back I looked around and all was gone. My body and all my gear except a pair of pants and my bag. Jocilyn and Talabrina made quick work of the lizards and I'm so very lucky the lizards liked my stuff they looted all I had but the 2 mentioned pieces. I would like to thank everyone for calling when and I died and trying so very hard to get to me even putting themselves in danger to do it. Offering to come to help even knowing the blackness could take over again at any time. That is what Wod is about.
Thanks
~Bronwyn~
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Postby Macitor on Fri Mar 05, 2004 6:41 pm

Chelsea and Atei,
You are to kind. Thank you.

Seon, you are kind as well. The kindness you talk of is what I fear the most. People won't tell you what they REALLY think. Well, except Azzo...
;-)

Well, if noone reads the stories, then I will know they are THAT bad. *smirk*

Bronwyn, thank you for your kind words and I am glad that you retrieved all all of your belongings.

All, Be safe. :-)
Macitor
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Location: "King of the forest" state.

Postby Belle Remings on Wed Mar 10, 2004 5:49 am

Macitor,
Terrific story keep it up. You grabbed the readers attention right away and pulled us in. Really did enjoy the story and am going to read part two right now. :) You have the makings of an author in you. Keep posting.
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Postby Macitor on Wed Mar 10, 2004 9:06 pm

Aw Shucks. Belle. :oops:

Thank you for your kind words. :)
Macitor
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Location: "King of the forest" state.

Postby Marius the Black on Sun Mar 14, 2004 12:21 pm

Masterful story, Macitor. This kind of positive posting on the boards is good to see. Your story was amazing. I think the best part is how well you convey characters by how they speak. In other words, I "feel" the characters by what they say. That's admirable. Well done.

-M
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Postby Macitor on Tue Mar 16, 2004 2:11 pm

I humbly give thanks. :)
Macitor
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Location: "King of the forest" state.


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