And sometimes, it's the small things that change big opinions. Perhaps it would take only the combined might of Ciara, Roderick, Breamas, Scott, Ullalan, Henna, Daeric (the GM) and everyone else there, but I see now what my arrogance blinded me to.
And I am truly, sincerely sorry.
Drocket, Laephis, Sebastian, Siobhan, all those hard-working-but-unnamed people, I really do and whole-heartedly apologise. When taken the time out to examine my feelings, when they were stripped and laid bare before me, there was little there more than spoilt conceitedness and rudeness. No wonder I'm not really all that popular - I wouldn't really like me the way I've been acting lately, and so I am sorry.
What changed my outlook? Was it threats? Was it ridicule? No, it was a small act of kindness. And here in come the tale of morality (with a good ending)
I'd just finished putting up the library and getting everything right and thinking about what Rod had said, even though I was angry. We'd been discussing the Admin and I'd been on my high horse trying to convince others (and myself, admittedly) that they, well, basically sucked. Contrary to this, Rod was arguing the opposite, and had me backed into a corner (argument-wise) and I was on the defensive. It came to a point where I was getting really nasty. So I tried as hard as I could to let it go.. just let it go. Then, I turn around to my guestbook, and the first name there, what do I see?
GM Daeric.
Wow, I think to myself, the Admin taking interest in the library? Could it be? Of course it was, *idiot that I am* they liked the library - I'd been ignorant to that the whole time. Further festivities went on, and the 'library' was blessed with "library cards" (come and see them!) and other things, like a really neat sign.
By the end of it all, my faith had been renewed in WoD, the Admin and the sheer and overwhelming *donkey* I'd been was apparent to me. And boy, did I feel sheepish!
I say again: I was wrong.
I say again: I'm very sorry.
But if anything, my perspectives have broadened vastly to what WoD is, and I retract the hurtful and ignorant things I said. What I would like to do now, is invest more time into *helping* WoD, rather than being a part of the problem. A tad of a cliche` yes, but it's true.
My new goals are thus; To be less obnoxious to admin and on the forums, and to get really involved. WoD is a place, a great place, and it could be so much more greater if players like me spent less time bitching and more time being positive and helping out. Of course, I bet most people who are reading this will be saying "Duh, Marius!" at this point, but it's true.
However, I won't become a lap-dog. I'm going to stand up and fight if I feel it's neccessary, but I must asy that those imagined issues I had with the Admin, are gone. Maybe I can spend some time becoming a more conscientious player and a nice person, too. I'm sure that wouldn't go astray.
I felt that I would make this apology public, because *I* was in the wrong and it was my fault. I make no excuses for my behaviour, it was totally unacceptable and uncalled for. I'm sorry, and I hope that the rift made isn't too large to be healed. I'd really like to become a positive part of WoD, because I really want to contribute. A lot.
Hopefully, I can bring a new light to things.
- Marius the Sinner
Repenting For His Folly
