theworldofdreams.com

Raising Kids

For those with no children - this is totally hysterical!

For those who already have children past this age, this is hilarious.

For those who have children this age, this is not funny.

For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning.

For those who have not yet had children, this is birth control.




The following came from an anonymous Mother in Austin, Texas...


Things I've learned from my children (honest and not kidding):


1.) A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq.ft. house 4 inches deep.

2.) If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with Roller blades, they can ignite.

3.) A 3-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.

4.) If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all Four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.

5.) You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.

6.) The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.

7.) When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh", it's already too late.

8.) Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.

9.) A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.

10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

11.) Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.

12.) Super glue is forever.

13.) No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.

14.) Pool filters do not like Jell-O.

15.) VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.

16.) Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.

17.) Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.

18.) You probably do not want to know what that odor is.

19.) Always look in the oven before you turn it on; plastic toys do not like ovens.

20.) The fire department in La Mesa, CA has a 5-minute response time.

21.) The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.

22.) It will, however, make cats dizzy.

23.) Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.

24.) 80% of men who read this will try mixing Clorox and brake fluid.

I like #24. Ill soon be one of those 80%

Celeste Kendreyl wrote:10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

This implies that certain other Legos will NOT pass through the digestive track, and will therefore need medical attention. It would probably be helpful if you'd give some details about which are which to help save on doctor's bills.

Drocket wrote:

Celeste Kendreyl wrote:10.) Certain Lego's will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.

This implies that certain other Legos will NOT pass through the digestive track, and will therefore need medical attention. It would probably be helpful if you'd give some details about which are which to help save on doctor's bills.

Probably the larger pieces Unless the legos come together in the stomach, creating castles and houses and boats! (or whichever set the person ate)

lol yep im one of the 80% too. Im off to try it this weekend when I get the time. Just hope dad and mom doesnt find out about it hehe.

I don't think I have any brake fluid available for burning. I guess I'll just have to remind myself to buy some

Kale Greeneye wrote:I like #24. Ill soon be one of those 80%

Really? I wonder how much smoke? I imagine it would depend how much of both substances you add. Definitely something to look into!

*pause*

Ok, curiosity got the better of me. Better check this out!

Abstract: Granular swimming pool chlorine (calcium hypochiorite) and brake fluid (polyethylene glycol) react violently when mixed together, producing a fierce fireball. This paper proposes a mechanism which explains the production of the flammable products of the reaction by means of a radical fragmentation of polyethylene glycol.

...and another site:

BRAKE FLUID/SWIMMING POOL CHLORINE (incendiary explosive)
This is a potent incendiary explosive which ignite 30 seconds after the two chemicals come in contact with each other.

1 part brake fluid
1 part calcium hypochlorite in pellet form (32 % or more)
1 one-inch wide glass vial
1 piece of 2- to 3-inch wide pipe with two screw-on caps
20 boot-box munitions

Brake fluid can be obtained everywhere in Cuba.

The calcium hypochlorite comes as pellets for use in swimming pool and are known as pool chlorine.

[1] Screw one of the caps onto the metal pipe
[2] Fill a small glass vial with brake fluid and cap it
[3] Clean the vial on the outside with a rag
[4] Place the glass vial inside the metal tube
[5] Fill the pipe half full with calcium pellets
[6] Screw on the other metal cap

Throw this at a target. Upon impact, the glass vial will break inside the metal pipe and the two chemicals will come into contact with each other. 30 seconds after the chemical reaction starts, a temperature of 2,100 degrees Fahrenheit is produced. The heal cannot escape anywhere and a very loud and powerful explosion is produced capable of igniting and type of fuel.

Okeeday! That is enough Googling. I suggest to anyone who might be tempted to test this out that you should use care. We aren't talking just smoke here, we are talking greater explosion potions!

*muses*

Still, just a bit of brake fluid into chlorox, or vice versa, shouldn't be a problem, right?

hehehe

80% my ass, I bet every one of em tries it, I did it when I was 9 so I already know.

Well I guess I'm in the "For those who have children nearing this age, this is a warning." My boy is 2 1/2 and some of this I can relate to already. Especially 7 & 15. Why is it that little people are so fond of toilets?

I believe it was said best by Ducky in tiny toons, "paper go down the hooooooooooole" "boat go down the hoooooooooole" ect ect..
I taught my brothers kid how to put just the tip of the paper in and flush, causing it to pull the paper in as it flushed. He found this greatly amusing, and I got many phone calls thanking me on that one. But hey it got him to flush the toilet each time.