theworldofdreams.com

http://www.rinkworks.com/stupid/

I havn't rummaged thru a lot of it yet, some of the stuff under "Smoke" is partictularly good.

Those people are stupid!

i downloaded a bunch of them to amuse myself with yesterday and was feeling all smug and superior to these obvious mental defectives. then the mechanic showed up to repair my car. see the problem was that the little button on the gear shift wouldn't go all the way in and release the car from park. highly annoying and no matter how much wd-40 i squirted into the knob it just wouldn't release. the mechanic was kind enough to point out that placing your foot on the brakes caused the knob to release. only cost me 20 bucks and much of my pride for the lesson on car safety.
how does it go again "pride goeth before a fall".

Ehran, oh Ehran, what are you going to do?
(anyone who recognizes that as a song will have to post with the "artist" who "sings" it)

I am so sorry Ehran. Things like that always seem to happen to me. I will say something like "I never lose my keys since we moved to the new house"and the next day I'll spend 4 hours wondering where the heck the keys went to.

"As the local computer enthusiast, I sometimes get called on to troubleshoot computer problems. A while back, my boss asked me to help her figure out what was going on with her computer, complaining that her "rat" (mouse) was not responding. She surmised that it was a problem with the "ropes" (cables) behind the computer. "

Hehe, I think I'll start calling it rats n ropes too

"Customer: "I have a cursing flasher.""

The ideal pet!

"I'm a contractor at a National Guard base, and I had been sent to pick up two NT workstations. After picking up the boxes I drove back to where I worked and had to go through a check point. The guard checked my ID then asked me what I had in the passenger seat. I told him I had two computers for our job site. He replied, "Oh I don't know anything about that -- I'm computer illegitimate.""

Robots created out of wedlock in the National Guard?

I could go on an on, so I will

"Customer: "I ran Microwave Defrost, but it didn't help."
(Referring to Microsoft Defrag.)"

Have you defrosted your microwave and/or sauna today?

"Customer: "I have Microscope Exploiter.""

Microscope abuse is a serious crime, you know

Last one, I promise:

"Me: "So, what's your ICQ number?"
Girl: (staring) "Why do you need an icy cucumber?""

Say it loudly, say it proudly: ICY CUCUMBER!